Billy’s Story

For Billy, the opportunity to participate in a U.S. based, legal psychedelic retreat program was not just a chance for healing—it was a lifeline. Before his retreat, he was at a pivotal point in his healing journey, throwing his energy into traditional treatments and other alternative options.  While he saw the value in many of the modalities he tried, he felt stuck in a place of hopelessness, unable to get over that hump and “spinning his wheels”. The retreat came at a perfect time, and he describes his worldview as “forever changed.”

The long road to relief

Billy’s path to enrolling in the Oregon-based retreat was long and full of obstacles. “I’ve been in and out of rehabs and therapy for a decade,” he shares. Despite giving up alcohol and drugs years ago, he continued to struggle with the lingering effects of trauma. “I still consistently had thoughts and feelings that I wish weren’t there,” he admits. “You can go to talk therapy and know the thoughts aren’t helpful, but that doesn’t make them go away.”

After hearing about MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies) from a veteran friend, Billy began to explore the potential of psychedelic-assisted therapies and services. His research led him to Heroic Hearts Project, where he became a community member, staying engaged with the efforts of the organization and spreading the word where he could. He applied for a retreat through the program and was initially accepted to an international retreat. Because he was unable to get a passport in time for the retreat, his enrollment was rescinded. 

He found himself devastated after putting so much energy and excitement into the prospect of a psychedelic retreat. “I found Heroic Hearts probably a year and a half ago,” Billy says. “But I couldn’t go on any international retreats because of the passport issue.” This was yet again an example and confirmation of his belief that life is inherently unfair and disappointing. Yet, when Heroic Hearts announced a domestic retreat program in Oregon that would accept veterans from all over the country, his hope was rekindled. 

“I signed up right away, and the program made every step, from applying to enrolling in the retreat, to getting to the retreat so easy for me,” Billy recalls. The opportunity to access this kind of healing without having to leave the U.S. was a game-changer.

The Retreat Experience

Billy describes the retreat as transformative, beginning from the moment the preparation process started. “The facilitators and everyone in my cohort were able to get on the same wavelength so quickly, even on the digital preparation calls before the retreat.” The immediate bond he felt with the other veterans and facilitators (who were also all veterans) was an indicator of just how much the community aspect of the program would contribute to his healing. “The environment was so incredibly supportive,” he emphasized. “Before we even consumed any psilocybin, I was blown away by how vulnerable these guys were. It made me feel comfortable sharing my truth fully and without shame for the first time.” 

The ceremonies only deepened the healing process. “It was intense,” Billy admits. “I think my brain and body were doing what they needed to do to get back in sync with each other.” He realized that while he had been able to cognitively process his trauma in therapy, he had not fully released it from his body, and in particular, his nervous system. Billy experienced a profound physical and emotional release. “I cried a lot,” he says. “It was like my body was finally letting go of all the pain, grief, and anguish I had been carrying.” Despite the intensity, he found the experience beautiful, describing the process as “magical.”

Between the powerful experiences he had on psilocybin and the support he received from his cohort and the facilitators before, during, and after the ceremonies, Billy felt like he was “exactly where he was supposed to be.” So many things began to click into place. 

A New perspective on healing

One of the most significant shifts for Billy was his newfound ability to manage his thoughts and emotions. “When I do have thoughts of old ways of thinking, like shame or regret, I’m able to catch myself and sit with it for a minute if I need to,” he explains. “But for the most part, I have this new knowledge that those ways of thinking don’t serve me anymore, and I don’t even go there.” 

This shift in perspective has allowed Billy to connect with himself in a way that, even after years of therapy, he hadn’t been able to before his retreat. “It’s like plant medicine helped me get back into my body and showed me parts of myself that I had judged so severely in a new light,” he says. The experience has given him a new lens through which to view his past and his future, and he’s able to regard himself with more acceptance and grace. 

As Billy continues to integrate his experiences, he is focused on maintaining the positive changes in his life. He has reconnected with a veteran recovery community and is actively working on his mental and physical health. “I’ve been journaling heavily, working out, and just being okay with where my feet are right now rather than fixating on what’s to come,” he says.

Billy’s journey is a testament to the power of psychedelic therapy and the importance of making these healing options available within the United States. “I haven’t been this excited to wake up tomorrow for a really long time,” he shares. Thanks to the retreat, Billy has found a renewed sense of purpose and a healthier outlook on life.

the importance of domestic programs

Billy’s story highlights the critical need for domestic psychedelic therapy and retreat programs. For him, the ability to access this modality at home in U.S. was make or break. Without the option to attend the retreat in Oregon, he says he “might have lost hope all together.” Making domestic retreats available to veterans who may not be able to travel abroad due to logistical or financial constraints can eliminate unnecessary barriers to entry. “What Heroic Hearts is doing here in the U.S. is life-changing,” he asserts. “This program worked, man. It worked.”

Billy’s story underscores the transformative potential of domestic psychedelic programs for veterans. For veterans who may face barriers to accessing international retreats, these U.S.-based options offer a vital opportunity for healing. As Billy’s experience shows, the impact of these programs extends far beyond the retreat itself, offering veterans a chance to reconnect with themselves and their lives in profound and lasting ways.

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Written By: Hannah Kimyon