Paula’s Story

An Immigrant’s Journey to the US Military

I am an immigrant born in Cali, Colombia. I didn’t arrive in the United States until the age of sixteen. After high school I decided to join the United States Army. There were issues at home that led me to leave and try to find my own path.

The military trained me to become a Licensed Practical Nurse, also known back then as a 91WM6. During my time in the service I witnessed the loss and the pain that war truly leaves behind. I deployed to Iraq in 08-09, working in the ICU and sometimes in the ER. I wasn’t on the front lines, I wasn’t getting shot at everyday, only a couple of Mortars here and there. But I got to witness the aftermath of war, of what hatred does to the human soul. I saw soldiers without limbs, blood, burns, and death. No one was excluded from the horror.

The horrors of war

Many captains were desperate to save their soldiers’ lives as they brought them to our hospital and then had to watch as the light slowly slipped away from their loved ones. As a nurse, as a medical professional, I didn’t have time to feel, I had to act fast, it was my job, my duty to save lives. I dealt with coalition forces, insurgents, many children, civilians and our fellow soldiers. I learned quickly to separate myself from feeling their suffering, a tactic frequently used at war and one I had to pay for later on, as trauma resurfaces when it is not faced.

I only served for four and half years on active duty. After I returned from Iraq I left the military and joined the civilian world. I was traumatized, as it is hard to forget seeing true pain and death. I became best friends with my closest confidant, a liquid called “Alcohol.” He and I spent many days and nights together. He kept me company as I was trying to forget. I had so much anger in me, trauma I couldn’t express. 

An uphill healing battle

Eventually, I started pursuing my passion in the Arts. I remember I got called the most dangerous actor of my class because accessing anger came so easily to me. Little did my classmates know of all the demons I was battling daily. I had a lot of sexual, physical and psychological trauma in my life. 

I started going to therapy, and I found a therapist that is with me to this day. She helped me heal so much, but there were certain pains that no regular therapy could help me access. I was numbing myself constantly with Alcohol and Cannabis. I didn’t want to feel and questioned why I was alive. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here anymore.

From ibogaine to ayahuasca

A friend of mine tagged me in an article about “women veterans finding healing through psychedelics.” At that point, I had also become a filmmaker and wanted to talk about my pain and how much betrayal I felt from the military, how it felt that we were disposable to them. I decided to call the organization featured in the article and signed up to do a journey with Ibogaine. 

This journey opened my eyes to the mystical world, and I came away knowing my next step was to get sober. I still felt so broken many months afterwards, when a fellow vet told me about this great organization called Heroic Hearts Project, that helps veterans go to Peru and attend Ayahuasca ceremonies. I applied and I got in. I was nervous but excited and the moment I met the other fellow vets I felt at ease. We all understood each other’s pain, they were my healing brothers and sisters in this journey.Mother Aya connected me with my ancestors, it healed a stomach problem, embraced me and catalyzed my sobriety.

embracing a new path

My life is so different now, I get to live a life that is happy, joyous and free. Pain is still there. I am constantly trying to face my pain. Working to remember that everyone is just a reflection of myself, that we all are just doing our best, that healing is a constant journey, and that my job here is to be kind to others and to be gentle with myself. 

With the help of plant medicine in combination with constant work on myself, deep presence, and personal accountability, I can achieve a healthy life.  I’ve made it my mission to carry this message forward with my Artistic work to let other veterans know that they are not alone.There is help out there. I live as a proof that this medicine works, and I hope others get the help they desperately need.

Thank you mother Aya for allowing me to access the darkest places in my soul and help me understand that we need the darkness in order to see the light. “Let There Be Light”

---

Paula is currently fundraising for her feature film “Let There Be Light,” a feature film that follows a female war veteran who, on the brink of losing her freedom, turns to a controversial, plant-based treatment that is currently banned in the U.S. The screenplay has already received a nomination for Best Feature Film Screenplay at the Script Award Los Angeles—one of only three selected from hundreds of submissions.

 While production on the feature is just beginning, Paula’s short film and proof-of-concept, Shell Shocked, has received numerous accolades, including Best Actor at the GI Film Festival and an Excellence in Directing award from New York Women in Film & Television in collaboration with the SOHO International Film Festival. It was also nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the Richmond International Film Festival and Best Film at the GI Film Festival. This short film serves as a powerful foundation for Let There Be Light, which will expand upon its themes and impact.

Learn more, and support the project

---